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Category Archive for: ‘Relationships’

The Illusionist

People view the world based on how they see themselves and what they want in their lives. It is not uncommon to work with clients who have a distorted sense of reality. They often have illusionists in their life. Illusionists are people who create the illusion of something that isn’t there. Many clients have difficulty coping because they are dealing …

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The Reality Check

Whether people come to therapy or come for personal life coaching, they usually feel stuck. They desperately want to change something, but they report they don’t know how to make their lives different. As they discuss the scenario, I typically note a common denominator that keeps them stuck in their unpleasant situation. Most people who want to change are caught …

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Emotional Investment Tools

You learned that healthy relationships are enhanced when you regularly admire, appreciate, respect, communicate with and encourage others. As you look at your relationships, do you cultivate them? Often people want to improve their relationship skills, but they don’t know the tools to make emotional investments into the lives of the people they care about. When you use these tools, …

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Healthy Relationships

Healthy relationships don’t just happen. They require that you constantly invest your time, energy and effort into them, just as a bountiful garden requires that you till the soil, pull the weeds, water, and fertilize with proper nutrients. People often take their relationships for granted—until a problem occurs or until it’s too late. As you look at your relationships, do …

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Enabling: When You Help, You Hurt

Often times in counseling, I work with well-meaning clients who find themselves consumed with another person. Maybe their spouse is severely depressed and not participating in the family. Sometimes it’s a parent whose child has severe emotional and behavioral problems; the child is frequently engaged in scuffles with the law, school, or peers. When a loved one cares so much …

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Good Parenting Equals the Three Cs

Parents will often ask what tips I can provide that can make a difference in their children’s lives. I tell them that there are three life skills that will promote good parenting. As most parents can guess, consistency is the most important factor in getting a child to comply to your wishes. If you ask them to do something and …

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Forgiveness

Forgiveness can be a tough concept for those who have been betrayed, wronged, abused, or hurt. Many of my clients come in because they are tired of feeling hurt, sad, depressed or angry. When I ask them if they are ready to work on the process of forgiveness, they look panic-stricken and admit they don’t know if they are able …

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Do Overs

When human being make lots of mistakes, it’s inevitable that there will be many times in our lives when we say or do the wrong thing. Sometimes the errors in judgment are small; other times, they have devastating effects on others. It’s important to know when to set boundaries so that someone doesn’t repeatedly hurt you and when to give …

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Infidelity

There are all types of infidelity within relationships. People seem to judge it by the degree in which it occurs. This column is devoted to how to avoid the pitfalls of infidelity. It involves changing distorted thinking and setting appropriate boundaries. Anyone who has considered infidelity needs to examine their thought processes, followed by their boundaries. You will need to …

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Are You Co-Dependent?

Are you a person who needs the validation of others to feel good about yourself? Are you so preoccupied with others that your own sense of self depends on how your children, husband, or wife is doing? If so, you probably suffer from a condition called co-dependency. Charles Whitfield, M.D. defines co-dependency as a condition in which you turn over …

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